Day 59- Silence in St. Augustine

In the name of adventure I am on the move for the next month. Jet Blue’s promotional “All-You-Can-Jet” pass had my name written all over it, and with a little push from my friend Annie, I willingly surrendered my $599 for a month of unlimited travel. My first stop, St. Augustine Beach, Florida to visit my dad and his wife at their beautiful home on Anastasia Island (overlooking a lagoon and walking distance to the ocean).

I spent today at the beach; the small, warm waves lapping the eastern coast quite a change from the overhead surf in Southern California, not to mention how weird it was that North was to my left. I sat in my chair looking out over the vast expanse of blue and I waited. I contemplated the shapes of the clouds. I watched a family build a sand castle. I buried and unburied my feet in the sand a couple times, and I kept waiting.

“Where is he?” I kept thinking. “Something’s not working. Maybe, I need to get in the ocean.” So I did. I waded into the comfortable 70 degree water and let the waves envelop me. I shut my eyes, let my palms skip across the surface, and there, in the water I continued to wait and listen to the sound of… well, nothing.

True, I’ve only been here two days, but what’s the hold-up? I’ve done everything I know to do. I traveled far from home, I went out into nature, I was quiet and undistracted (well, when I wasn’t checking my Facebook and Twitter). I created the perfect scenario for God to speak; all the usual conditions were there. The only difference? This time I need him to speak.

This is the way it’s always worked. Sure, it’s never been intentional on my part, but logic would lead me to conclude that if I put myself in a similar situation, certainly I would hear from God, right? I have so many questions I’m need him to answer. So many fears I need him to calm. I need comforting! I need reassurance! I need provision! Feeling utterly defeated and discouraged I trekked back to the house where I sat on the back porch overlooking the lagoon for a good hour, hoping maybe I just had the wrong body of water. Apparently God wasn’t into lagoons today either.

I was quite a sorry sight. Pathetic, really, pouting my way through the rest of the day until I finally accepted the reality that I would not be hearing from God today. I resigned myself to a good book, and as good books often do this one was quick to point out the glaring flaw in my thinking. True, I may have a real need to hear from God, to be comforted, and to see his provision, but these needs are all secondary to my need to know him. To know him and experience who he is- I have no greater need! Had I not been busy whining about his silence I could have been reflecting on his beauty and greatness. Had I not been so busy trying to tune out the sounds of the ocean and the birds I could have listened to God’s creation singing peace over me, revealing more of his goodness and his presence. Instead I turned God into a commodity, there to fulfill my needs and wants in my time and in my way.

This is only the first leg of my journey, and I’m sure that in the midst of these many adventures I will, in fact, hear from God, but hopefully I won’t be so concerned with his voice that I miss the rest of him. Hopefully.